It won't hold her

like a .22 to his temple and shot
one too many bright nights
snapped reeling truck lights
get out take a hit bar fights

don't sleep don't sleep don't sleep

you just need
a hot ham sandwich
you just need
to take a piss
you just need
to sort out the wires

them glasses look real good on you,
you oughta,
oughta,
take care of yourself brother

down through the rusted rungs
for three days and three nights
down to the very bottom

(up through the slime
  to the heat
  to take a breath
  at the apex of your jump
  stretch out your fingertips
  and sink back down)

good-luck charm

what sickness is this
living bodies lying in shallow graves
cold in the cold ground
dead leaves cover you
it's so terribly human

don't sleep now
there are dark wings beating
struggling oily black breathless
the rotten taste of water
dank mouthfuls of snake-stink

chemicals cut through bloodstream
shine the surface flaws
twinkle bright in your eye
hold her head under
until the bubbles stop

abstraction II

it never came easy to you

tongue twisted and jaw locked

vocal cords fraying ill-designed

start with the first word 

carved easily enough onto bone

now etch it in the air

Cattle Prices Rising? Fancy That.

words cracking like beltstrokes
rebellient
rebellient
it doesn't exist she said
but you can feel it still
stare at your hands.
they'll help you through
again and again
and don't
don't
try this uppity shit
with him
motherfucker

edit: I'm still not sure about this one. The middle lines bother me, I'm not happy with them. I don't often offer any explanation or feedback on my own writing but I feel compelled to with this one. the last lines I still like, the first I like, but the midsection is elusive and frustrating. 

abstraction

when the dreams dreams dreams come down

fall through the generations
into your lap there tumbles
a bitter black ball
of hatred and rage and lust and change
swallowed into your blood ages gone
it urges you onwards
you'll not
want
you'll drive
right down the highway
you'll not
cover your eyes
nor be afraid
you'll not
thirst

I'm fine.

I'm fine, love, I'm fine.
There's nothing wrong with me.
Just this ache in my bones -
please don't leave me alone -
And I want to go home
But I'm fine.

I'm fine, love, I'm fine.
Everything is as it should be.
I just can't seem to sleep
'cause my head's on repeat
and the grave's been dug deep
But I'm fine.

I'm fine, love, I'm fine.
I'm just a bit tired, you see?
There's a snake in our bed
And your voice in my head
And thousands are dead
But I'm fine.

I'm fine, love, I'm fine.

Equinox lullaby

September's almost done, my dear
and now that Spring is truly here
you'll sleep away the daylight hours
 and leave me to my realm of flowers.

The turning Earth has had her say,
but don't fret, darling, I'll not stray.
I'll nestle by your resting frame
until the night has come again.

Great lion Sun, my roaring friend,
warms mortal skin, and will defend
this beating heart, so rest your eyes -
attend your Moon, her set and rise,

she'll sit with you and smile to see
how patiently you wait for me
to stir and wake, while evening air
coaxes shy Jasmine to appear.

Full twelve and twelve, the hours are set.
Tonight we're even, love, and yet
tomorrow looms: be still, my heart,
as days grow long, and nights grow short

so sleep and dream, don't wake in fright,
I'll guard you as the day burns bright. 

Erratic

lives cut shorter and a swirling storm
and he'll ask why you're crying
you won't be consoled
just this morning you were spitting bile into the sink
trying to hold down a coffee
trying to hold onto your mind

no tears will be enough to fix this
gather limbs around, hang your head
in shame, in prayer, in quiet agony,
bury yourself in furniture
the pain of this will pass, with time
even though lies like that should scorch teeth
and you will die in debt to this sadness

think of boxes way up north,
the blank-staring mother, frightened at night-noises,
sister so capable, distant voice on the receiver,
all these little cubic lives
and when they finish pulling the bodies
from sacrosanct rubble
hope against hope you will find
a pair of tweezers fine enough to grasp
the cactus-spines that pierce you.

Hymn for my seductive angel

Doesn't that feel good?
Like that first mirrorglance you almost couldn't take
poised breathless and the image was so solid and so

juicy

you nearly cried. Good thing you smiled instead,
ache as it did,
destruction the price of perfection.

Doesn't it feel good, love?
Knives are the playthings of yesteryear. No,
you're so far above,
you couldn't ground yourself if you tried.

Doesn't it just feel good,
this game of paring self from self
plumping lips and swaying hips?
You left her for dead, good riddance,
lying on a bed whitegowned

it was so easy to pluck her from you,
so stylish,
(hope the ache will stop sometime soon)
you didn't even need to check her pulse.

You've got a number in your phone,
a pair of gloves, dagger heels,
your hair is curled and tonight, oh tonight,
you're just about ready to eat someone.

Asthma

Ha!
I speak of filling lungs.
What mirth. What falsehood.

The real test
is the long, slow
squeeze
as every molecule
wheezes
grasping
at tubes
that fail
out
and your throat burns
chin itches
fingers twitch

and they're completely
empty.

To breathe, to breathe,
what a luxury.
Water or sawdust,
sugar crystals,
spiders, even,
what a pleasure. 

saltsick I

my nature is to be amphibious
i will sink myself into mud
i will cool rage and passion
i will flood my lungs to drown
distil the quiet of old skies

fill my lungs with sawdust
set me alight, a merry blaze
to warm your hands by
the turbines churn and catch

quell these, the ants that scurry
from vertebrae to vertebrae
tiptoe down a throat that gulps,
gapes, stupid, stupid, selfish

and all too alive

Things that are mine

spell my life out in the flavours of flowers,
the tang of kumquat, sugary sadness of watermelon
bitter bite of nasturtium, peppery and harsh,
quiet honey curtains of wisteria crammed into my mouth.

november

i have spaces in me untouched
shaped to fit only this:
certain yellow cast of light
loquat sweetness, november mornings

frown

Love, I promised you everything -
future and the means to read it,
sleep and nerves,
a home in my constricted intestines,

I left my doors wide open,
I wanted you to track a path right through,
shedding boots by the bed, steps worn heavy,
glasses knocked from the bench in laughter,
never felt quite so light
headed
as in your arms,
the rooms danced with scotch,

try not to flinch, level my gaze,
I can sit here all night if need be,
I can lose myself if you ask me,
see how brightly I can burn.
Count these, the leaves that fall from open palms

all I ask is a shoulder to rest my head
I want to trace your knuckles
I want to kiss the tendons at your wrist

please close the door when you leave,
this wind blows right through me,
I've never prayed so hard in my life.

Keys

The key wouldn't turn.
The key. It stuck.
try to ignore that sinking in your stomach try to fight the rising bile the panic in your fists 

Take it out. Try again.
please god let it be a mistake is it the right key please oh god I don't want to die I don't want to be alone

Next key. Try again.
Scrabbling uselessly at the lock. It's not going to open.
don't throw up please don't throw up it's going to be okay

Nothing you can do.
The sun is shining.
Monsters don't exist.
please god please don't let me die without him 

He's been drinking your heart all along.

You've forgotten how to count: start slowly.

Wet nose alarmclock.
He's asleep. His face is calm.
With these, the first days of spring, breathe easy. Breathe deep.

Think about the basil
spicy, savoury, the knife that scored a line of red
along one finger
you rinsed clean, bandaged it.
It was okay. These things happen.

Think about the hours ahead,
in a garden, in a park.
Mina wants walking, Gabrielle wants to play.
Don't think about words exchanged.
Don't put yourself in their place.

Think about the melting heat of a far-off city
in a language you never learnt.
Don't think about seven hours on a plane home.
Don't think about how the key wouldn't turn.

When it gets too much
think about how you can crawl back into bed
his face is calm
and just
not think.