Abstraction III

FEEL PULSE QUICKEN
AS IF TAUGHT LULLABY
DEEP EARTH BURIED
QUIET SLEEPING STIR AND
SHAKE SOIL HEAVY
BONES STRETCHING
HONEYCOMB LIFE-FILLED
FEAR OF SELF FEAR OF
OTHERWAYS OTHER
WISE SPEAKINGS HE TOOK
LONG ENOUGH TO REACH
TEACH PINNED DOWN
RIBOPENINGS NEAT AND
STAINED RIPE AND READY
DANCE FOR THE END
OF THEIR WORLD DANCE
FOR THE END OF THEIR
WORLD DANCE FOR THE
END OF THEIR WORLD

The Nursery

Goodnight, my angels.
There are violin strands in my hair
and here, a gloved hand to tuck you in.

Ignore the spiders, they just want
to drive your remote-controlled cars
through dreamwebs. They hit stop signs,
run red lights, leaving doll-fragments
smashed by the pavement.

Kitty-cat sits by the window, moonlight
angry in her eyes. Twitching tail. Claws.
Twist the music box one last time, and close
the ballerina safely in her painted box. Legs
splay. Long lost plastic tiara. Smile.


Sea hush, lulled salt sounds washing
from the pregnant-curved shell. Mother's eyes
watching. Sleep well, my darlings.

Kept.

She broke her wrist
once
when she was seven
falling from a bike.

She promised herself never again
would she shake
so hard

(enough to throw cherries
to the ground:
long afternoons car-driven
explanations
damaging knotted branches)

open my palms bare my breast
please don't give me time to think
       you were all empty bottles
hope to hear your cry, mewling babe,
tomorrow morning when you wake

        in the sun    again for the first time

(trust that this fine thread
     won't snap)

I own so many things

my knuckles
are small but serviceable
they glow cherry red
peeling skin and scabs
they are a mark of achievement
of breaths brushing the floor
of sweat and bitten lips

I have already etched frowns
between my concerned brows
but I have smiles
sitting in the corners of my eyes

my thighs
carry me and kick out
mark the passages of my months
drip oxidized and corrosive
stiffen and soften
my thighs are an accomplishment
a lesson in me
my thighs

I don't need your words
when I can feel my own heartbeat

There is no sentence I could ever write
that would possibly begin to cover my gaping faults

woken by splintering wood
struggle against nature this isn't ---
there isn't ---
time enough
senseless violence
TAKE IT OUT TURN IT OUT
do you care
you've done it this time,
you were right for once in your life
not long, you said, one way or another
I'm getting out of here

fight it
go on fight it one more thought one more
effort
fight it, damn you!
pick up that goddamn baseball bat
smash them! Kill them! It's easy it's fun!
you're running out of --

sink back
voices crackling
target neutralized 
         alright boys, bag 'em and tag 'em 

slump
choke
Al--

It was only a matter of time
we both knew I had earned only a certain
limited number of steps I could take
in solitude and I wasted them all
running from whatever we had tried
to build or create and I wish
to god I was more sorry than I am
I wish right down to that first night
fearless and stupid and maybe
that never changed I never really learnt
anything but I was terrified I was
so scared all the time of losing you
and it happened and I decided not to be
scared of anything but it's hard to
control that rush of adrenalin and
blood that worms inside you your own
fucking beast ripping you to shreds
I think I know now why you did
the things I never could put to reason
but it's okay now it's over anyway

The Ghoul

O mother do not weep for me
For three nights I have not slept

O mother hold me quiet
Each night I have swallowed a seed
A strand that tethers me to twisted charms
Still I long for your daylight arms
O mother do not weep for me

O mother the Earth is barren
I tread through deserts, arid saltwaste
O mother yet I yearn to taste
Red sweetness that burns my tongue
The bleeding heart of pomegranate
O mother do not weep for me

O mother words fail me
How deep a cut his voice can make
I cannot slake this thirst nor keep
My hands from shaking
O mother my world is breaking up

O mother I have been caught
Birds tear at my eyes
Mother I am blinded
Mother I am blinded
Mother I am blinded

O mother, my mother, help me

you're stuck and I can't let your voice out
like a beetle scrabbling in a matchbox

is there something special about
words loosened by alcohol and tongues
and tongues and cigarettes on my back
and honest words and
exclamations
and i can't remember the words
and honest sadness and I am sad
because you won't be back to make me feel like I fit in
or that I was wanted and
that's okay
that must be okay
because I was wanted and maybe more
or not
and that's okay too

saltsick II

Somebody told me that salt is sacred.

I can say nothing but that my throat
must surely have been washed smooth
with the pilgrimage of these thousands
of swallowed tears, and my stomach,
a place of great refuge, is blessed.

Fire cleanse me, light cleanse me.

Let holy men kneel before my feet
far-travelled, seeking wisdom that pours
relentless from eyes and howling mouth.

Fire cleanse me, light cleanse me.

Great mother, calm mother, accept these gifts,
freely I give you my sadness, and wish
only to be washed clear as your clear blood.
Let me be pure, let me be whole.
Raging mother, strengthen me. Stain me
foam-flecked, roar me courageous, release me.

Fire cleanse me, light cleanse me.

Shiftchange

I've got a pair of scissors

for the hair you liked so much.

the dogs growl at me

and I growl back

wild-eyed

you wouldn't believe it

shirt, shoes, knives, bottles

now I've got a job to do

and I can flash a smile just as disarming

as yours used to be

you taught me too well

I'm good at this

I can sleep

I know you're waiting for me

outside

you're no longer welcome here

in my bed

in my head

like a fucking mist.

Sun'll come up and you'll leave.

Come home

It's quiet,

waking again at the wrong time.

They look at me with accusations in eyes

dumb, now, and animal.

Darling, I always was your counterpoint.

Set to rise in opposites - 

no wonder I'm feeling lost;

no wonder I wander from room to

room,

can't sit still for searching. 

I prayed for you to shut your mouth,
your eyes,
to let my guiding hands hold you close,
but now that the key fits
there's nothing left behind the door

and

I'm waiting for you,
love,
please come home.
I'm not myself without you.